BE HAPPY

“It’s just not fair,” I had said to myself. “Everything seems not to be going the way I want them. I make all the plans, do everything like I should, I pray about it and believe it but it just doesn't seem to work out well. My life is so unfair.” For the next 45 minutes, I listened to myself make a list of the things I didn't have, and complain about all the things I wanted. In my head I complained, compared, and highlighted all the things I desired, but didn't have and all the things that had gone wrong. 

Immediately a chat with a friend snapped me back to reality and I started to remind myself of all the things I had been blessed with. My friend was telling me she had seen a pretty well dressed lady get knocked down by a car and right there she had bled to death. Then my friend said “that lady didn't plan to die but life just happened.” She said further “life is a gift and it simply means there’s always something to be happy about or grateful for”. Finally she said “you are in control of your happiness so control it”. Many times we find unhappiness creeping into our life because we let our guards down. A small envious look at a friend’s brand new home, a little comparing of our salary to another’s, a desire to be in that position your colleague is, blaming someone for making things so bad for you. With seemingly tiny, insignificant thoughts, we find unhappiness beginning to creep in.

The truth is, happy people aren't happy because they were born that way. Happy people aren't happy because their life is perfect. Happy people aren't happy because they got it all figured out. Happy people aren't happy because they don’t have problems. Happy people aren't happy because they have never been hurt. Happy people aren't happy because they are rich or because they have it all. Happy people are happy because they have chosen to be happy. The truth is we are what we want to be. If you want to be happy despite all the drama and frustrations all around you then you will be happy. Someone asked me why am always so excited and smiling and I simply said “Am alive so am happy”. Sometimes I tell myself am happy today because I tried on a new make-up or a new recipe. You can see splendor and happiness even in the smallest mundane things. Always think on the things that are lovely, good, and admirable - because our thoughts will open the door of our hearts to be happy and thankful. Let me share a few things I think have people do.

·        Happy people help others. Sometimes it’s just putting a smile on another person’s face. The other day I got into the front seat of a bus and I said good morning to the driver. He replied saying “Good morning ma, I hope you had a wonderful weekend.” In all honesty I was shocked because bus drivers and conductors in Lagos are the least friendly people. However, he did make a good impression so throughout that day I made sure I said hello with a smile to everyone I came in contact with.

·        Happy People Don’t Complain. Whether it’s a passing comment about the crummy weather, or a drawn out conversation about those annoying co-workers, complaining will always lead to discontent, because your feelings will always follow your words. When i moved to Lagos i would call my sister and complain about everything in Lagos. One day I called again to complain and she said "you know what i have an assignment for you". She then said "You are obviously unhappy in Lagos because you see all the things that are wrong. From now on, everyday you have to tell me something good about the day no matter how small". Each day I found myself looking for something good to tell my sister at the end of the day and gradually i became very happy. 

·        Happy People Don’t Compare. We often measure ourselves up against other people. But doing so will guarantee life on an emotional roller coaster, because sometimes we’ll measure up, and sometimes we won’t. Sometimes we’ll be the smartest, prettiest, most successful person in the room- but other times, we’ll be the last one.

·        Happy People Don’t Compete. It’s easy to fall into the trap of getting ahead. Whether it be our focus on our finances, our families, or even in our work places, we can get caught up in wanting more, having more, and making more. Though it’s healthy to strive for our best, happy people understand that true contentment is less about winning, and more about living a worthwhile life. A life that isn't focused on being better than others, but rather, blessing them. You are not in competition with anyone else; plan to outdo your past, not other people.

·        Happy people appreciate life. When life is good, enjoy it.  Don’t go looking for something better every second.  Happiness never comes to those who don’t appreciate what they have.  You must be willing to loosen your grip on the life you have planned so you can enjoy the life that is waiting for you in this moment.  It may not be everything you want for your future, but it’s everything you need right now.

·        Happy people are positive. Happiness is in the heart and mind, not in random circumstances.  Beautiful things happen when you distance yourself from negative thinking.  Be positive and smile right now, not because everything is good, but because you can see the good side of everything. Smiling doesn't always mean you’re happy; sometimes it simply means you’re strong.  And smiling will help you feel better.

·        Happy people spend time with friends and family. Friends and family help you celebrate life's successes and support you in difficult times. Although it's easy to take friends and family for granted, these relationships need nurturing. Build up your emotional account with kind words and actions. Be careful and gracious with critique. Let people know that you appreciate what they do for you or even just that you're glad they're part of your life.

Inspired by Oyindamola Morebise 

LOVE YOURSELF

Was having a conversation with my dear friend the other day and she said “Have always thought you don’t love yourself but now I guess I know better, you sure do love ourself”. I was telling her about a decision I took which I said is best for me at this point in time. After the conversation I realized that many of us really have no clue about why we should all love and honor ourselves. That conversation really got me thinking and here are my thoughts:

Honestly, how often do we think about how we feel about ourselves? Most of us spend much more time loving other people, loving ideas or activities, or simply confusing love with compulsion, addiction, or lust. Many of us grew up in homes that did not exactly foster loving atmosphere and mutual respect.  Sometimes it seems like our families taught us more about how not to do love than about how to make love and relationships work. In truth some people didn’t grow up in a home or with families so they never got to understand what it is to love. Some people grew up with inferiority complex. Some people grew up hating themselves for different reasons. Some people never just accepted themselves.

Sometimes we have to struggle to learn how to care for ourselves. For most of us, it is a lifelong process. Allow yourself to embrace the process. What would happen if you let yourself make mistakes? What would happen if you forgave yourself? What would happen if you allowed yourself feel loved? What would happen if you take that big step you have been thinking of? What would happen if you start your dream career? What would happen if you express yourself?

Love can be difficult for some people. It can bring back memories, or stir up emotions that are not normally present. Some people can’t love themselves or even love any other person. Some others would rather love everyone and everything but never themselves. However, every day is a new opportunity to learn how to love and respect yourself. The honest truth is we all need to learn to love ourselves. Loving yourself isn’t being selfish, loving yourself doesn’t mean you are egocentric. Loving yourself doesn’t mean you don’t care about any other person.  We all know you can’t give what you don’t have. So if you don’t love yourself you can’t truly understand how to love another. Receiving love from others is not a guarantee that you love yourself, loving others doesn’t mean you love yourself. When you love yourself, you build a relationship with yourself. You learn to be comfortable spending time on your own, you learn to take care of your mind and your body. You learn to nurture your inner child, and gradually, you learn to better accept rejection and loss because you know that ultimately, you will be okay. When you love yourself, you build a relationship with your higher power. You gain strength from your spiritual source– no matter what faith you choose to believe. When you love yourself, you forgive yourself and you forgive others.

Loving yourself means believing in yourself. Loving yourself means giving yourself the best. Loving yourself means looking out for yourself. Loving yourself means telling yourself that it is okay to let go. Loving yourself means caring for yourself during loss, it means holding on for one more day when the days seem darkest.  Loving yourself means letting go of the outcome. Loving yourself means understanding that your dreams may be delayed, but they are rarely completely denied. When you love yourself, you encourage yourself to keep fighting, to keep trying and to keep moving. Loving yourself means being sincere with yourself. Loving yourself means accepting that you are not perfect and you shouldn’t always blame yourself when something goes wrong. Loving yourself means not allowing the pain and disappointments of today define your future. Loving yourself means allowing yourself to heal. Loving yourself means caring about your own wellness and well-being. A person who loves herself or himself is secure. When you care for yourself, you are able to tell yourself that, one way or another, things will eventually even out. Things will be okay.

You may not be rich, you may not have the perfect job or the perfect family. Your life may be up-in-the-air, and you may be surrounded by different circumstances. But loving yourself helps you know that you will get through this. You will survive this moment, this day, this year.

Inspired by Mrs Ralia Shaibu Beita.