THE MASK WE WEAR

Presenting a certain face to the world is something that most people are very familiar with.  You have a day when you’re feeling a bit off colour and yet if people ask you if there’s something wrong you tell them that you’re feeling fine and give them a big smile.  Beneath the mask of sounding positive, you’re keeping your true feelings to yourself.  This is something that is very common and something we all do. The different masks people wear in the course of a day act as social disguise and help them get through a variety of situations. The reasons we develop masks are complex but there’s no doubt that character, parenting and culture all take part in the early moulding. Say you’re brought up in a family or culture where self-control is valued and emotion scorned. You might construct a tough, nothing-can-touch-me persona that dismisses difficulties and looks down on those who show flaws as weak.

The greatest actors aren’t necessarily the ones we see on tv. Sometimes they are the people right beside us who hide behind the perfect mask, too scared to show that they don’t have it all together. I know, because often times I find myself wearing that mask. I didn’t even realize I’ve been wearing the mask for months now until one cold morning when I woke up trying to get ready for work as usual but I just couldn’t get out of bed, I could not stop the tears from rolling, I just couldn’t wear the mask of “all is well” anymore. I remember it very clearly because it was one of my hardest weeks. In the morning I would put on a very happy mask and go to work and start the acting. I would work, play, and even laugh with everyone but when I got back home at the end of the day, I was left to face the real person behind that mask. I was too scared to let down the mask because I could not let anyone see that I didn’t have it all together. And it was during that period that I learnt a very important lesson… a lesson on taking off that mask that I put on.

The mask that so often hides what I was really feeling on the inside. The mask that hides the fact that I don’t have it all together. The mask that hides the fact that I cried myself to sleep every night. We all wear masks from time to time: in our words, our habits, and our practices. We have an arsenal of crutches and shortcuts that slowly but surely hide who we are. They are things that prop us up and help us hide. We hide from our feelings and our desires. We hide from who we might become. We cover a lot of things up. Scars we carry, stories we hold, work we're afraid of doing. It's not terrible to have masks, but they can't be our only way of dealing with the world. If we spend the entire time warding off the world and hiding from ourselves, we'll miss the best parts. By hiding from the world, we hide ourselves, and we lose a piece of our souls. Many of us have lost touch with ourselves, our souls, with the tender, tired, scared part of itself. Let me share my story. 

I usually wake up early and set off for work as early as possible so I can get to the office, settle down and feel relaxed before work starts. My desk is close to the corridor, so I would smile and greet everyone who walks into the office and sometimes catch up with a few colleagues to have a good time. But this Monday morning as I sat in the car on my way to work, that was the last place I wanted to be. How could I possibly go to work to be surrounded by 60 happy, “having it all together” people when I felt like I was falling apart on the inside? How could I possibly put a fake smile on my face and act like I was okay when I wasn’t? But I knew that I couldn’t let myself stay alone at home. There’s nothing worse than isolating yourself when you are down. You always need to be around good people that love you and will be there to encourage you. So although I had no desire to do anything but stay in bed all day and cry, I decided that I had to go to work. But I would try not to talk to anyone. I would just bury my head in my laptop and act like I was engrossed with work. But deep down inside I was tired of wearing the mask, I just wanted to be open, vulnerable, transparent not trying to be perfect, not having it all together. I didn’t want to hide behind the mask. I didn’t want to worry about what people thought of me just because I wasn’t perfect or I was down. And I thought to myself… “maybe today I can do it, maybe I can put my mask down, maybe I can actually tell someone that I’m not okay, maybe I can be a little vulnerable, maybe, just maybe…”

The first person I saw was my friend and partner and with a big smile on her face she asked me how I was doing, to which I replied “Good!”… of course. What else could I say? And once again, that mask was up. As usual I went back to smiling and greeting everyone. I got back home from work that day and the mask was off again. I was back to the little world I had built for myself too afraid to let anyone in then I prayed to God to just give me a sign that it was ok to talk to a friend. Unexpectedly that night I got a message from an acquaintance who I had never had a personal conversation with and he asked how I was doing without having to wear the mask I said I was not fine but I didn’t wanna talk about it. Then he asked to share a story with me. His little boy of 5 had been diagnosed with cancer and he was lying on the hospital bed. At that moment I realized I was not alone.  I was not the only one that didn’t have it all together, that was confused about what was going on in my life, and that was going through a few trials. The inspiration in it was if a 5 year old child was fighting cancer and still surviving then I could let down my mask, be vulnerable and truly talk to a friend. I got to work the following day without the mask. I called two of my close friends and colleagues that I could trust, I told them I was not fine and everything around me seems to be falling apart. I could not hold back the tears any more. At the end they encouraged me and told me I was not the only one going through stuff.  But after that moment my spirit lifted… and I smiled genuinely. Because I had put my mask down and I was willing to accept that I didn’t have it all together.

And after putting that mask down I found out that I wasn’t the only one wearing a mask. That I wasn’t the only one not okay at that moment. And that made me feel good. The truth is its okay not to be okay. A good old friend told me “hey, it’s okay not to have it all together but just make sure you get the help you need and you don’t stay down for too long.” It’s okay to not be the perfect person that you think everyone expects you to be. It’s okay to not have everything figured out in life. My sister called me up one morning and said “it’s okay if you feel so down and not sure what to do next”. Then she further said “whatever you choose to do I got your back but just understand that giving up isn’t an option, you must choose a path and follow it”. 

I got the inspiration to share this from my little 5 year old friend, I call him Little Prince. As a little child he wouldn’t even have to worry about wearing a mask. If he’s in pain he just shows it naturally, if he’s happy he just shows it naturally, all he needs to do is just stretch out his hands to his parents. His parents might not be able to take the pain away but knowing they understand and are there is what keeps the Little Prince going. Just like my Little Prince I don’t have to wear the mask and that doesn’t also mean that I have to tell the whole world about how I feel or wear my heart on my sleeve. But it made me understand that I needed to find that one person I could trust and be open with and oh how well that worked out for me . . . I had a lot of positive, supporting friends and family who stood right by my side holding my hand all the way. Friends who kept loving me all the way without looking down on me for not having it all together. Right now I still don’t have it together but then I don’t have to wear my mask. Like my Little Prince I just stretch out my hands to the friends God has placed in my life. 

You should choose to be a little vulnerable and transparent about what you’re going through. Often times when you put your mask down you will see that people will put theirs down too. Some people will hide behind their masks forever. Some people will never allow themselves to be a little vulnerable… which I think is tragic. There are many things we can learn from one another’s struggles, pains, and trials. And there is a lot of love and support we could give and receive.

In the end, we all wear masks. Sometimes unknowingly. Sometimes on purpose. But the truth is we all have struggles, we all have insecurities, we all have pain. We all have gone through trials, face temptations, and make mistakes. We all fail, we all fall, we all don’t always measure up to the “ideal” person we want to be. We all come up short somewhere. And we are all broken human beings in need of a merciful and loving God who knows us just the way we are and loved us enough to die for us anyway. Don’t worry about being perfect. Don’t worry about having it all together. Don’t worry about wearing your mask. Whatever you are going through, someone has already been there. Whatever you are facing right now, someone is facing it too. Whatever battles you are fighting, someone has fought that same battle too. Always know that wherever you are at right now, you are not the only one there. Every time I thought of giving up I remember my Little Prince going through what is worse than mine so instead of beating myself up about my situation I just pray for him. Every time I feel like giving up again I remember the words of my friends who kept holding my hand and believing in me. Sometimes all it takes is putting that mask down to help us realize that we are not alone.