COUNTING THE YEARS WITH GRATITUDE

When I clocked 35 years old I was not sure how I felt. I actually had mixed feelings about it. Ok, originally, my thought was that 35 does not have quite the same ring to it that 25 had...or even 28 or 30! When we were younger, most of us knew that having a birthday meant having a birthday party, getting treated special, not getting in trouble and getting presents. When I was younger I could not wait to be older but now as the years fly I sometimes wish I could put life into slow motion … lol.

This morning I took a long, hard look in the mirror. I gasped at the few strands of grays I could see in my hair. And as I got dressed for work it occurred to me that there is a beauty that comes with getting older. I should not be shy when asked my age. I should answer confidently with a smile on my face and gratefulness in my heart. Today I have been given the precious gift of another year and I do not have mixed feelings because I know exactly how I feel. Yeah it’s my birthday …. *winks*… and as much as I don’t celebrate or do all the drama that comes with birthdays I thought a good way to celebrate the day is by writing a beautiful piece. 

Today I am glad for the years of living each and every day as ME. Every age ... every stage ... of this lifetime. Every single step I took toward something or someone. Every single step I took away. It’s amazing how every memory is sewn right into the very fabric of who we are. It’s captivating that my mind can sometimes flash back to my childhood, adolescence and adulthood, awakening parts and pieces of me that bring me back to that very day, that very moment, that very emotion. 

Every day, women younger than me are dying of some form of sickness or the other. I know others whose lives have been cut short due to accidents or some other unthinkable, or unexpected tragedy. So I am truly blessed to have another year of life. By complaining of my age, I'm complaining about a privilege ... being allowed to live another year and enjoy life. That kind of complaint doesn't make sense to me. And so, instead of complaining about the inevitable effects of getting older, the dreams that are yet to come true, a few other things that comes with the age that aren’t here yet, I thought I would focus on what I am thankful for as I grow older. 

So I guess it’s a good time to celebrate getting older. Psalm 90:12 tells us to "… number our days that we may apply our hearts to wisdom." I believe that means we are not only to seize the day and make each one count, but we are to be thankful for the number that we do have...be it 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, 55, 60 or even 99. 

Making it one day to the next and trying to improve ourselves every step of the way should be celebrated. Being alive each day should be celebrated. Living brings wisdom, emotional maturity and insight. With age comes experience, skill, discernment and perspective. We become more empathetic. We develop the compassion to fully know and love others, and the confidence to relax into our best attributes. We gain the ability to know — and even strut — our own stuff. Seen in this light, getting older can be downright sexy … *winks*... 

As we get older let us remind ourselves of all that has made us who we are today and let’s be grateful. The question then is “Seyi what are YOU thankful for as you grow older?” Having a birthday offers me the welcome reminder that it is nothing short of a total miracle to be alive yet another year. I could call it any number of things, but with the sheer volume of mind-blowing things that can go wrong, and the mind-numbing forces that have to function well and cooperate for any of us to get ourselves up out of bed every day – much less to move from one place to another, love whom we love, and do what we do – it feels appropriate to use the term “miraculous” to describe making it from one entire year to the next. It is so stunningly humbling and awe-inspiring to be alive every day that I cannot help but think that having the opportunity to grow older and to age is a total privilege worth celebrating. 

I’m grateful for the family I was born into. Every moment with my family is a treasure I would never take for granted. Having the gift of another year with them is indeed a blessing. 

I’m grateful for the friends that never left all through the years. Friends who I want to love more and celebrate with the gift of this year. 

I’m grateful for life experiences. Every smile, scar, pain, tear, victory keeps molding me into the woman I am growing into with each passing year. 

I’m grateful I survived getting up at the crack of dawn almost every day to work towards my dream.

I’m grateful cos this year has dealt me quite a hand of highs and lows, but look at me now, stronger and wiser than ever before. 

I’m grateful, I am amazing and everyday is a work in progress.

With life being so difficult and people fighting seen and unseen battles, with the amount of reckless people in the world and with the amount of stress and pressure we put on ourselves everyday it should be celebrated when people have accomplished another 365 days. Life can be filled with so many unexpected twists and turns, pits and peaks, and to say we’ve made it another year is something to be acknowledged.



DA Studios, thank you for always helping out with the graphics. Titilayo Adesogan, thank you for taking the time to make me look beautiful. Omolola Bolaji thank you for the encouragement. Oluwateedeemarley thank you for the insight. Adeleye Adewale thank you for the inspiration to write. Ifeoluwa Osonoiki thank you for the memories you helped me create today. Motunrayo Ajibade thank you for giving me the courage and boldness. Sola Olododo thank you for the confidence in my work. Risikat Adeyemi everyday you teach me friendship is selflessness and sacrifice. Jumoke Ibitoye thank you for helping me find a friend in you. Temiloluwa Omidiji thank you for your good precious heart. Ebuka Okafor thank you for that awesome gift.

Untold Stories of Ibadan (Part 2)

Of course, there are things that could be better about the city but there are a few wrong perceptions about the city and a lot of them are not true. Let me share with you why I enjoy living in Ibadan. In contrast to Lagos, Ibadan isn't prone to traffic congestion. You do not have to leave home 5am to get to resume work at 8am. There may be traffic at some places at various times, but generally, Ibadan is not known for traffic congestion. Yeah, rent in Ibadan is fairly alright. It isn’t as cheap as we normally thought but it’s also not as bad as Lagos. Rent in Ibadan depends on where you wanna live and what your tastes are. Oh yeah, transportation is the cheapest thing in Ibadan. You can still take a keke napep for 30 bucks and some taxis for 50 bucks. . . lol (totally depends on your destination). Also the serenity in Ibadan; you can't compare the breeze/fresh air you get in Ibadan with the polluted air you'll inhale in Lagos. In Ibadan, you live longer and you stay healthier because it is a peaceful place.

Looking at it from another perspective, I must state that Ibadan is the center of the Yoruba culture a land rich in culture and traditions so there is much to learn. Moreover, Ibadan is called the “the ancient city”. This ancient city has for long held on to its cultural heritage, and this makes it an interesting place to visit in Nigeria. When you go into Ibadan town you would see many brown, rusty roofs and a lot of old looking buildings, some even abandoned. But, in some other parts of Ibadan you would see that the older buildings have been renovated and modern facilities have been installed around the city, the city now has a profound combination of the modern and conservative architectural interpretation. There are malls with escalators, ultra-modern shopping complexes, cinemas, high-end hotels and restaurants, local ‘bukas’ etc.  The truth however is, while Ibadan might be an ancient town, there are a lot of things to do and ways to entertain yourself and it all depends on what you want. Events, shows and tournaments are held on a regular basis. Ibadan might be an old city, but not all of its inhabitants have an archaic or boring orientation. There are currently 3 tertiary institutions in the city with students from around the country. So we have lots of young lively folks in Ibadan. Lots of companies (both local and International) are commencing operations in Ibadan.

A lot of people think that the people who live in Ibadan are not trendy. A number of times you see pictures of people looking weird and it being attributed to Ibadan with comments like: “Ibadan girls be like…” or “you can only see this in Ibadan”. Whereas some might consider it entertaining or even hilarious, it fosters a huge misconception. While it is impossible for everyone who lives in Ibadan, as in any town, to be trendy and up-to-date as regards fashion, tech and living in general, most of the inhabitants of the city are quite modish in their appearance and behavior. You should see the very few friends and acquaintances I have in Ibadan. Oh yeah, they are so on point and they are all based in Ibadan. A few weeks after I got to Ibadan I told my closest friend, “I like Ibadan and I would love to stay but I have no one here so how do I cope outside work”. My friend responded “If you decide to stay in Ibadan I promise I would always be there for you, all you have to do is just ask.” That just gave me more peace and joy. I was fine with the life in Ibadan and now I have a friend I could count on. Also I already had a bound with my team in the office and I was too emotionally attached to leave them. They made me find purpose and fulfillment on my job so I couldn’t just leave.

After 3 months of seeing that life in Ibadan was not as bad as I thought, I told my office I would love to stay a little longer in Ibadan. A year later I made the decision not to go back to Lagos because I love my life in Ibadan now. Yeah a lot of times I still do not like or accept some things in Ibadan and I still need to do some adjusting, moreover I miss Lagos and Abuja sometimes, I miss my family and friends especially when it gets so lonely but I have peace in Ibadan.

Many of my colleagues call me “Iya Ibadan” and sometimes ask if I would return to Lagos. I just tell them “NO” because I love Ibadan and I have peace of mind. The best aspect of living in Ibadan is about her relatively peaceful nature.

Lazedon thanks for the graphics. 

Untold Story of Ibadan (Part 1)

Recently, I had been struggling with putting pen to paper. I start writing something then I get distracted and I do not get to finish it and I move on to something else. Surprisingly the insight on what to write came in an amusing way and immediately I got my laptop and I started to compose this piece.

A chat with my in-law made me see what I should write. Jokingly he had asked what I was up to and if I had any plans for the day. I had not responded when he asked “is there a cinema in Ibadan?” I laughed so really hard without responding, I just kept laughing so hard. I laughed so much because that was the exact question I had asked around 3 years ago when my office in Lagos requested my colleague and I to open a branch of the Legal Department in Ibadan, I was to be in Ibadan for a period of 3 months before returning. My immediate answer was “NO” because I thought they were sending me to a “dead town”. I had once attended a camp meeting when I was 10 years old, the vivid picture of Ibadan displayed in my head was that of a very big town with lots of brown dirty roofs, old looking houses, lots of hawkers and mad men living on the streets, and all that.  My colleague was willing to explore and try something new but I didn’t want to, so my answer was still NO.

After much contemplation, I said to myself, “Ibadan might be as local and boring as I pictured but all I really need is a nice hotel to lodge or a good service apartment, a good church, somewhere like a mall to get stuff I need and I guess movies”. So I decided to Google “is there a cinema in Ibadan”, “are there malls in Ibadan”, “is there shoprite in Ibadan” “best place to live in Ibadan” “hotels in Ibadan” “pictures of Ibadan” . . . and a lot more. . . how so hilarious. When I eventually accepted to come to Ibadan I told some of my friends and they also had lots of questions like I did and it always ended with “how will you cope or survive in that town”, “would you come to Lagos for weekends?”, “how will you have fun?” “I hope you would not come back acting like those local people?” and it goes on and on.

As we drove to Ibadan to resume work I kept trying to talk myself into accepting what my new life might be for the next 3 months. Later in the week, we hooked up with an old friend who took us to the movies at Ventura and I was flabbergasted that Ibadan had something of such interest and excitement. In the course of the week, we visited a few other places and drove around a bit. Ibadan has 3 malls with cinemas, bowling section, Chinese restaurants, lounges, cold stone ice cream, perfumery, lovely shops and much more. So I had to take back all the not so pleasant things I had said about Ibadan. Ibadan is not what I thought it was. Now let me tell you the untold story of Ibadan . . . To be continued

MOTHERHOOD

Sitting in my sister’s living room, watching her with her family I thought I needed to write a piece on motherhood. Well biologically I’m not a mom yet but by my way of life and environment I am a mom to so many. Infact I’m a grandma … lol. Lemme explain before you start rolling your eyes. I have this young lady who many years back I had taken under my wings as my daughter. She sent me a text on the 1st of Jan telling me I’m now a grandma. So you see I’m a grandma *winks*

I left my sister’s home and I ignored the thought of writing this piece. Then on New Year’s Day I got invited by my childhood friend to spend the day with her and her family. Let me mention that my friend is heavily pregnant and she has an energetic male toddler. I watched as she tried to get herself around, attend to her toddler, get the cooking done and still attend to her guest. It was great joy and pleasure for me to help her do the cooking and cleaning. When we were done I watched as she slowly went to get a shower, she got back and sank into the sofa with a plate of food she no longer had appetite to eat and she still had to pacify the toddler who didn’t understand why his mom would not give him so much attention. By the time I was leaving her house that evening I became convinced that I needed to write this piece on the joy of motherhood to celebrate all mothers. 

Watching my sister and my friend I could see that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges there are shining moments of joy and contentment. Motherhood is indeed a valley of tears and a mountain of immeasurable joy. Not just because mothers go through so much for the sake of their stretching, growing children, but because they give of their very physical substance to nourish them and it costs them something. I have watched pregnant mothers stagger under the weight of the illness and fatigue of pregnancies that seem to drain their very soul. They cry out in anguish as they labor and give birth. However, complete joy sweeps through the mother as she holds her baby in her arms for the first time. It is the great and mysterious gift of motherhood. They say that immediately after the birth, they forget the pain and everything that they had being through during the pregnancy.

No one can tell you exactly what to expect as you step into the phase of motherhood. It’s something you unravel and understand yourself and find what works for you. In the first few years of motherhood, no one ever tells you how inevitably hard it is going to get. You just learn from your experiences. What amazes me the most about these mothers is that I can see it never gets easier and I guess they were afraid at the beginning but all you ever see on their faces is overwhelming joy and pride as they nurse their babies into healthy and strong children. 

For the typical African woman she still needs to ensure the hubby is well taken care of and attended to *smiles*. Of course she still needs to keep the house running well amidst all the chores and wifely duties. And if she is a working mother, she needs to ensure her work doesn’t suffer for all the times she had to stay up nursing the baby at night. Who says being a mother is not a big deal. Just as motherhood is filled with incredible highs it is filled with incredible lows. It is tremendously hard, demanding, and at times frustrating. I had no idea how demanding motherhood was until I watched my close friends and sister become mothers. But this doesn’t even elucidate it well because I’m not there yet.

According to my sister “guess there is a grace God gives to Mothers and strength that comes from within which you don't even know is there until you need it and reach for it. With time you don't even realize the effort it takes anymore it just becomes normal. But there are days hmmm you just want lie and be selfish but the mother in you won’t let you...lol.” 

To my mum who never thinks we are too old to be looked after and cared for, to my sweet sister who is now a mother that inspires, to my dearest daughter who just became a mother, to my precious friends who have all those adorable babies that make me feel like a mother already, and to every mother out there I doff my hat to you. 

“Motherhood is a choice you make everyday, to put someone else's happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you're not sure what the right thing is...and to forgive yourself, over and over again, for doing everything wrong.” ― Donna Ball.